Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Final Countdown

Sometimes I feel like this country is a giant piece of sandpaper which is gradually rubbing me down to the bone. On those days, every thing, a students snide remark, a co-teachers rude comment, the old lady that knocks you down in the street, hits harder. I walk around feeling like my nerves are on fire, like my skin is rubbed so raw that I can't understand why I'm not bleeding. I'm surprised when I look in the mirror and see that on the outside...I still look fine.

I'm lucky here in many ways. I have friends to turn to, relative privacy in my home, outlets through writing and usually, solace in teaching. However, there are moments, days, weeks, where I just feel a screaming swelling inside of me, slowly filling me up until I'm scared that if the noise ever gets out, I'll deafen everyone around me. It's scary sometimes to walk around with this much rage, this much anger. I'm worried that one day I'll pop.

One more month until I'm home. I hope I can take the wait.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Is it Friday Yet?

A schedule has arrived. I now find myself knowing which classes will leave me cringing at the end and which will buoy my spirits. I look forward to Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays with the crew and save my Korean language classes for lessons on Wednesday. I know that on Monday I'll get to spend time with my host brother and that every night at 11:30 (if I don't pass out) my host sister will check in to say good night when she gets home from school.

I have only three more solid weeks of new lessons to plan before break. I have Thanksgiving and a six day vacation between me and Christmas. I have two more weekends in Seoul and a school festival to look forward to.

I have all my tickets to the US, India, Bali and hotel rooms booked and paid for.

This last weekend I went to a wodnerful jazz club in Seoul called Once in a Blue Moon. The next day I ate in a restaurant that was almost exactly the kind of quaint place (with delicious food) that I would have frequented in Ithaca. I forgot how good its possible to feel when you're not fighitng against something all the time.